The latest from the trenches...

A new tact on trying to get to know the men that have messaged me this week. Two new people appeared on the horizon and both started messaging me using Yahoo Messenger. (Why do they come in twos? Am I building the feckin' ark here?) I've been using chat rooms and message programs for over 10 years this is an area I am comfortable in.

Guy number 1 is 8 years younger than me...with a soon to be 13 year old son. Guy number 2 is 9 years older than me and is a widow. Once again men from complete opposite ends of the spectrum. There have been some exchanges of messages guy number one is so needy that it is hard to watch, like watching a car accident really. He is also widowed, his wife died during childbirth (a sad story and normally I am drawn to those..but this is the web and I'm not sure I'm buying it).

I discovered during last night's conversation that he's been alone for 11 years. He has no friends, his son has no friends. Red flag..red flag...red flag... He's asking a lot of questions about me like when do I think I will be ready for a long term relationship again. How 'bout I'm not sure if I ever will be? His son needs a mom that knows how to make a family. Ok, I am a great mom, but I've raised my kids and I'm not wanting or needing to going back to being a mom. While chatting with him I receive an email...blah blah blah..I am so beautiful...rolling my eyes. During the conversation he asks if I have responded to his email yet? Ummm no, I have been chatting with you here. I responded back this morning..told him that we weren't looking for the same things..good luck, you are a great guy there is someone for you out there...

...but it's not me. Seriously what part of " I honestly am not looking for a soul mate, a marriage or a long term relationship--not at this point in my life. One can't predict the future, but for now just having someone to share an evening and some witty conversation would be spectacular." is not coming through here?

Guy number two I am enjoying, he makes me laugh and he's in no rush to meet. That's a gold star for him.

I am shaking my head, still not giving up but finding this more an exercise in what the dating world is in my corner of the world...not much there.

Dazzling

A week to reflect...

I've spent a few nights shopping at the man store...That's what I feel like when I go through the profiles on Yahoo. It makes me giggle, so that's all good. I decided to jump back out there and take a look around at the hotties that are in the cornfield. (Let's not go that far, I'm just looking for those that may be missing less than half of their teeth.)

I sent a short message to a guy I thought looked a little interesting--no response. So I decided that until I can change my status to divorced I'm just going to sit back and see what happens, not to mention recovering from Mr. I'm Working on Marriage Number4/Looking for my Soul Mate and Mr. *Open Minded*. Tonight I had two messages from two new people. I'm not sure either are dating material, but I'm keeping an open mind--please not THAT kind of open mind. A really weird thing when I realized that one of the people checking out my profile on Yahoo has the office next to mine at work...creepy. He didn't have a photo posted..but I know it was him...YIKES!

I've been in a good mood this week. Today as I was puttering around my kitchen baking Christmas cookies with the holiday music cranked up I thought about last Christmas. I had just left my marriage of 26 years and was nearly in the fetal position every night after work, and the weekends were spent crying and trying to get my head on straight. Even though it was my decision to leave the marriage it was still a struggle.

I banned Christmas from my life last year. No gift exchanging with friends, no Christmas music, no Christmas tree...Bah Humbug I was not celebrating this holiday in any way. I have to say that the holiday season last year was probably one of the loneliest--saddest times of my life.

But, this year is different. I feel stronger, much more confident and if all goes well Santa's going to bring me that divorce I've been waiting on since this time last year. If he doesn't, and it goes into 2008 I will be ok with that too.

A person that I work with is intent that I spend Christmas at her house..she feels I am going to be sad and lonely. Nope, I don't think so. I'm going to invite my kids over for Christmas night, and if they can't fit me into their schedule again this year I'm going to pour myself a glass of wine, toast the air in front of my Christmas tree and celebrate my new life.

Christmas 2007 theme song...Santa Baby

Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree,
For me.
been an awful good girl,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa baby, a 54 convertible too,
Light blue.
I'll wait up for you dear,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Think of all the fun I've missed,
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed,
Next year I could be just as good,
If you'll check off my Christmas list,

Santa baby, I wanna yacht,
And really that's not a lot,
Been an angel all year,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa honey, there's one thing I really do need,
The deed
To a platinum mine,
Santa honey, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex,
And checks.
Sign your 'X' on the line,
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight.

Come and trim my Christmas tree,
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's,
I really do believe in you,
Let's see if you believe in me,

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing,
A ring.
I don't mean on the phone,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight,
Hurry down the chimney tonight,
Hurry, tonight.

The agony of defeat? I'm not so sure...

I received a call from practice date guy number one yesterday...a fun conversation about my holiday etc. Would I be interested in going to a movie on Sunday? I agreed and he was to call me this morning to let me know when we would be going.

I've been working away all morning on a project and noticing the clock and the assumed time for a phone call has passed. Decided to check email and found a Dear Dazzling note...he's not comfortable with my almost but not divorced situation. I can understand that. I had planned on having an *I know you are looking for a soul mate and that's not me* conversation with him after the movies today.

So it probably worked out for the best at the very least the way that it was meant to be. It's been a week full of giggles and interesting adventures. I've been the dumper and the dumpee in the course of 24 hours.

I'll opt for a date with my knitting and a night at home tonight it's been a busy few days. I've learned a few things this week that I will carry forward with me as this adventure continues.

:o)

---Dazzling

The adventure continues...

Ok, the practice date night was out of the way. I think that was in preparation for my night with the professional man. From our phone calls and emails I found that he was well travelled and had spent some time living in countries like Egypt and Spain. I thought this would make for at the very least some interesting conversation.

Oh the phone wires and the emails were going full blast for the nearly two weeks since we had connected on Yahoo. No photo there but as part of my open mind policy I was ok with that. We made arrangements for coffee on Black Friday--no pun intended there. Coffee then switched to dinner and a movie. I decided this time I was going to play it low key and wear jeans and a sweater.

I'm going to tell you here that I violated the number one rule of meeting online people I met this guy at his apartment. Yeah I know..yell at me and say dummy what in the hell were you thinking? I also left his address and phone number on my kitchen table and sent a message to a friend so she would know where to find the body.

He watched me pull in and park and told me to come in the door was open. I am so damn trusting but felt it would be ok, and it was. What I found at the top of the stairs was a very very handsome man. That was a real surprise. I got a quick tour of his apartment which looked like he was still moving in. I thought, you knew I was coming and you thought this would be ok? He had an incredible display case of artifacts from his visits around the globe and I was very impressed.

We went to a stir fry restaurant, very nice, good food and just across the street from the movie theater. He took one call during dinner--that bothered me just a bit. We walked across the street and bought the movie tickets and waited in the bar until it was time to head into the movie. There was a football game on so we talked about sports etc...

The movie was great, Dan in Real Life. I found myself chuckling during the movie and found it to be a fun chick flick and I was impressed that he seemed to enjoy it to. So far, so good, I'm enjoying this guy.

Back to his apartment, a glass of iced tea--I had an hour drive home after all. I soon discovered that his definition of open minded and my definition of open minded were quite different. We had talked early on that I wasn't looking for the typical soul mate blah blah blah..just a friend to do things with. We were on the same page with that..but when he suggested that perhaps we expand that to include other people as in SEX with multiple people I think I turned about 5 shades whiter. HOLY CRAP!!!

I can appreciate that we all have different life experiences and needs but this Dazzling chick had enough alarm bells going off that there could have been a fleet of firetrucks outside the door. He walked me to my car and I headed for home. I had a lot of time to think on that hour drive and realized quite quickly this is not what I had in mind. I called when I got home so he knew that I made it ok. I decided to sleep on it and send an email in the morning to say..ummm good luck with that, that's just not who I am nor is it something I feel comfortable with. I received a very nice and polite email back from him thanking me for my honesty and hoping that I would keep in touch from time to time.

I'm realizing that I have choices here, it's my option to say yes, no..or I'm not comfortable with that.

I made my profile public again today on Yahoo...I thought about just saying no this is a bad idea...but I'm not sure I can dismiss this and give up after these two dates. There has to be something somewhere in the middle of these two out there...

Oh, let the fun continue...

:o)

Dazzling

A little bit of real attention...

Whoa, someone actually sent me a message today? Kinda nice guy seems harmless enough and we begin a dialog back and forth of small talk. He's local and seems nice enough. Our messages consist of small talk...then he drops the bomb and asks about me being in the final stages of my divorce, what does that mean? I give him the details that I have been on my own for a year and that I am hoping my divorce will be final on December 11. He seems ok with that and we exchange phone numbers.

I'm out of town at the time all of this is happening and call him from the airport on my way home. He has a nice voice on the phone, the conversation is fun and I can tell we both enjoy it. He asks if he can call me when I am home and I say yes...

In the meantime another person enters my Yahoo Personals arena--no photo and sends a short flirty message. I notice in his profile that he is seeking someone who is *open minded*. I like to think that I am open to any and all people and see on his profile that he is black. That's really not something that I have even thought about, and my interpretation is that *open minded* means that I don't have issues with the color of his skin, which I don't. We begin an email, telephone dialog--also while I am out of town and Dazzling's head is starting to swim with all of this attention.

Guy number one asks if we could meet for drinks? I agree, say sure, why not and we meet at a place close to where he lives. In the course of the time we talk about where and when to meet, drinks becomes dinner and I'm thinking hey, this may be alright...

I of course fretted, what to wear, first time meeting someone, nice restaurant I picked out a simple dress and a sweater, nice heels thinking I should make a good first impression. I arrive about 5 minutes late but find him waiting in the bar for me---dressed in jeans, a t-shirt and a flannel type shirt over the top of it. Oh hell, can you say overdressed?

Nice guy, easy to talk to and he makes me giggle. He's never flown on an airplane, is retired after 36 years working as a produce manager at a local grocery store. Kind? yes. Sweet? yes. Would he make a great friend? yes...He tells me that he's been married 3 times, and has been on Yahoo for nine months looking for his soul mate...

Excuse me? What part of this Dazzling bio to you screams this woman wants a soul mate?

I am looking for fun and someone to share the smiles of life. Life is too short not to be lived in the moment--it's about enjoying the here and now.

I love to travel, have a sense of adventure and a willingness to try new things. I think it's important to give back so I do a few charity projects here and there. I think we need to leave this earth a better place. Kindness, caring and giving matter to me.

I have a busy life working full-time and teaching part-time. I like being active and try to workout a few times a week as well as hiking trails around the area. I often have camera in hand while exploring, I love scenic vistas. I have been taking belly dancing classes for the last year, it's great exercise and lots of giggles.

I honestly am not looking for a soul mate, a marriage or a long term relationship--not at this point in my life. One can't predict the future, but for now just having someone to share an evening and some witty conversation would be spectacular.

This is definitely new territory for me, please be gentle. :o)

We ended up having dinner in the bar, which was ok, it was nice there and had those high tables and stools. When it came time to order he looked at the menu and said there's really nothing on here that I like. (Italian restaurant--great food!) I said where do you usually eat? He said I usually like to eat at sports bars. Ummmm ok I think I'll just order a ceasar salad. He ordered the same and we continued our conversation. Conversation topics included:

1. Divorce
2. Yahoo personal experiences-This part I found QUITE fascinating
   
1. People don't post current photos of themselves
2. Some women have income limits in that they won't date men over a certain income level.
3. Kids his and mine...mine seemed like angels after hearing about some of the adventures of his children and their assortment of wives
4. He has one hobby, fishing that he only does in the summer.

We had been sitting on high stools the entire night, when we both hopped off to head for the door I realized that with heels on at 5' 3" I was a little more than eye-to-eye with him. As the evening ended he walked me to my car and there was a quick kiss. He said he'd like to see me again.

Next stop...taking a rocket ship to the other end of the spectrum...

Dazzling

How the heck did I get into this?

I can't tell you what possibly possessed me but after a really frustrating day at work, and a few shots of vodka I decided to set up an account on Yahoo Personals. Simple enough, I actually had an account and had been out there a few time looking at the *potential* men that were available.

I spent that night online with a friend and we looked at various profiles and in my semi-inebriated state I found the weirdest strangest looking men that I could find and sent her the links to their profiles. We were both in tears laughing at these guys...

---it wasn't until the next day that I realized every person's profile that I looked at got an indicator that I had been checking them out...OH FECK! Luckily there were no responses from any of them, bad karma, I'm telling you.

I added a few photos, fairly tame but recent photos of me and posted about a two sentence bio for myself. Oh yeah, that's really going to attract the men...rolling my eyes. I expanded my bio and sent it in yet again for approval.

Then the parade of men looking at my profile began. I was feeling a bit like I was at a jr. high dance. Boys shuffling their feet on the other side of the room staring across the room at the girls..expecting them to do something--nothing.

I was raised in a generation that women did not call men. So for me it was a hard concept to send an "ice breaker" to a gentleman. I sent a few...and received a response back from a gentleman with no profile photo. He appeared to be a professional man and we exchanged a few messages. He was concerned because my political views were not the same as his, conservative. I promised that I would not talk about *that man* that I did not vote for if he didn't. We exchanged email addresses and I sent him an email..no response. I kinda think it was because my email address is "too dazzling" yeah, that may have scared him off.

I took my profile offline and put it online a few dozen times. I received some ice breakers, some short messages from some ahem *interesting* gentlemen that didn't seem to match up with me either geographically or as people. Maybe my criteria was a bit too harsh?

1. No spelling errors--if you can't spell the word honey (hones) I can bet that we are going to have some communication issues.
2. No smoking--I get a headache and feel very sick if I'm around any type of cigarette smoke.
3. No person that had the words soul mate, life partner, woman to clean my house and do my bidding (I just left that guy after 26 years) or long term relationship.
4. No kids at home--I love kids, don't get me wrong but after 23 years of being a great mom to my kids I'm not planning to do that again.

...and the fun continues...

Dazzling

Dating at 51?

I really never dreamed that I would be entering the dating scene again at the age of 51. For some reason I feel compelled to document my adventures after my experiences on the first two dates. I've had dates with two men at opposite ends of the spectrum. I think I need to find something somewhere in the middle.

I am going to use this space to chronicle this journey so I can look back and find a little humor in all of this. I have a feeling there will be some pain, but more than anything else I see lots of laughter involved.

:o)

Dazzling